Miss Anne Thrope

Thursday, March 03, 2005

only a handful of people read this. maybe they can be counted on one hand. it's not worth the effort to post here anymore. if you want the link to my other blog, email me.

Friday, February 18, 2005

stop me if you've heard this one before...

[moodcranky]
[musicjulie ruin "i want to know what love is"]
last night i was all stressed out. i got boxed in at the college and couldn't move my car and i was supposed to get some tofu for dinner for shannon but i couldn't. i was gonna yell at whoever it was until i realized it was dr. arnold, the guy who runs the poetry slams. i got home and jen and her kids were there and whitney and obsidian were there and the noise was defeaning so i left and went to jodi's. we made plaster masks and listened to joy division. much fun was had. then her and dave and i went to whit's and played "settlers" again. today was a weird day. got up a bit late, made breakfast, left early for class so i could type a paper. on my way there there was a train stopped across the street from my house. the engine car pulling the train was billowing black smoke everywhere. as i got closer i realized that it was coming out of the conductor's windows. prayed no one got hurt. went to class late because i talked to a librarian about getting a degree in library science (ashley, you made me think about it!) realized i'd forgotten half my homework at home so she told me to get it to her before two. i told her i got off work at 1 and could run it by then. spiffed up work real good because the boss was coming from ft. collins. she shows up and says he's concerned because there's been money missing out of the register when melinda's closed a couple times. we just hired a new guy named Rlee (pronounced ar-lee). I think he thinks i did it, which sucks. i didn't, and i don't want to loose my job over suspicion. so i ended up having to unpack the shipment and didn't make it in time to get my homework to my profesor. jeremy's being an ass and won't watch obsidian so whitney can teach our bellydancing class. going to the movies tonight with brittany and her friends. hope it goes well. think i might go to the punk show tonight with jodi and dave until the movie starts if i don't end up cleaning my room first.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

afraid is much better than a fake forever...

[moodcontemplative]
[musicjulie ruin "stay monkey"]
so excited. jodi gave me her copied version of julie ruin, and let me borrow "CD version of the first two records" now i have everything kathleen has ever done and look forward to making an MP3 CD of Bikini Kill, Julie Ruin and Le Tigre. she also gave me an "einstuertzende neubauten" CD (german "goth" band/thingy. name literally means "destroying watched obisidian yesterday. we were playing and he hid. and pissed in lyle and shannon's bed (*clears throat*) then when i left i guess i didn't shut the front door all the way so the front door was open for an hour or so. clay and i put obisidan to bed. he's so crazy. he wouldn't let me read him his favorite story "penguin dreams" (with the heroic chongo chingi) but he let clay read it. but when he went to bed he wanted a hug and kiss from me and then wouldn't let clay do either. watching him again tonight with shannon. moving out next week sometime. went by jeremy's last night to tell him that i'm now exclusive with someone i really like, since he didn't want anything long term. just hung out, he didn't get all agro or upset on me, which was nice. won't let me take jodi and dave's cat "max", even though he's housetrained and friendly. having a dance party this weekend at my house, i guess, sort of because we're all wanting to hang out, and because timmy and jake will be there. my sister is "worried" about the lifestyle i'm living. and her living with an asshole jarhead who "dismantles" nuclear weapons is not a concern of mine? my parents are "worried" about me, too, apparently. and knows that i like women because my mom grilled my sister about it and wouldn't care if was, so that takes care of that, i suppose... feel terrible that josh got hit by a car and is in terrible shape. i don't know him that well, but wish i knew him better. well, off to do other things now...

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

i'm not afraid of the gun in my hand, i'm just afraid it will hurt like hell...

[moodcranky]
[musicthe sisters of mercy "marian"]
brittany and i had dinner and it was really nice. was supposed to get stoned with chris, dom and alyx, but that fell through. got stoned in the bath, listened to the "sisters of mercy" tape that lilly left here. listened to tori amos in the car on the way to school today. there's nothing i love more than listening to tori or bjork when it's snowing. hating the fascists giving out stupid parking tickets on campus. got $10 worth of quarters until i can figure out a way to subvert their stupid permits and meters. not wanting to do homework or go to class or go to school anymore for that matter. i'm not coming back next semester. or if i am, i'm changing my major. women's studies or something maybe. something that i can get excited about without having conservative asshole professors, or in the case of the dumb men in my spanish class, stupid ass mormon missionaries. i want to live in mexico for a year. i want to travel. had a dream last night that i train hopped with lilly and whitney. a bull stopped us and we explained that we were waiting for such and such train and showed fake tickets. they let us go. it was really beautiful. i'm moving in with whitney weekend after next. i need to find a dresser and bookshelves. whit found a bed for me. should probably start packing soon. it's in town, so i won't be driving to school anymore so i won't have to worry about stupid parking tickets. jeremy hasn't called me since the night i walked out. ist mir egal. excited to be doing something different. want to see hamlet in casper on the 4th or 5th (sorry shoni, i'm gonna miss ya!) i want brittany to come, too. my sister told my dad that i stole some stuff and so i got a lecture from him. went to the pawn shops and looked at keyboard/synthesizers. almost got a wilco/billy bragg CD but i didn't have enough cash. there was a cool keyboard that was only sixty or seventy bucks. waiting till i get paid to try it out to see if i wanna get it. told lyndsey i'd come to denver and visit her soon. denver intimdates me. so do the people. now to do german homework.

Monday, February 14, 2005

nothing's changed, i still live you, only slightly less than i used to my love...

[Current mood: confused]
[Current music:the smiths "stop me if you've heard this one before"]
Nothing's changed, i still love you, only slightly less than i used to, my love... handed out flyers to a coupla people outside the vagina monologues. we got there at 10 to 6 when the show started. i wanted to be there at 5:30 but i had to wait on whit, clay and jason. oh well. bought "der krieger und die kaiserin" from hastings for $5, without a case (luckily i still had the case of the copy i had for a mural [the one that got stolen]) so that made me happy. matt was here yesterday. i avoided him as best as i could. still made me angry to see him again. made me angry he invaded my space, although his brother does live there. angry that everyone who rolled their eyes at my uneasiness and anger wasn't there during those two years of hell being in love with him and have no idea what i put myself through and what he put me through. played cranium with jodi and dave. might be going out with brittany tonight. whit said jake is coming up to see clay. i have a feeling this week will be one emotional overhaul or another. listened to the mix tape that dan moore (aka "the english teacher") made me when we were dating. still good stuff on it. still love "cause a rockslide" and "everybody's stalking" by badly drawn boy. listened to the smiths for four hours at work. is that healthy? moving in with whitney soon i guess. then i got stoned in the bath and listened to jake's mixtape for me because i wanted to listen to the buzzcocks song on it. i don't know what to say or how to say it. i hate purgatory.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

skin is where this revolution is gonna begin, touching one woman at a time...

[ mood | loved ]
[ music | smiths "what difference does it make?" ]

weird coupla days. fought with jeremy, walked out without saying goodbye because he's fucking ASSHOLE to whitney but oh so nice to me. i got halfway down the road and realized i didn't want to leave mad and i was cold so i went back and talked it out. he was really upset that i walked out, had tears in his eyes, which was disturbing. then i've dreamed about the same guy two nights in a row, who looks almost exactly like zeke and will, the brother of ben whatshisname from casper (shoni'll know, sean's friend?) but isn't zeke. someone i've never met before. oh so devestatingly gorgeous and sweet. will came into the store yesterday on his way to denver going to see social D. realized he's not as much younger as i thought he was, only two years. i remarked today that chris from med bow was only 19 (i thought he was older than me) and alyx said "ohhh, robbing the cradle" and all i could do was roll my eyes. Why does age trip people up so bad? I don't understand it either, and i'm guilty of it.
i had dinner with brit, jodi, dave, jason, whitney, clay and shannon at jodi and daves last night. ben called me. i love ben, in more of a platonic way than anything else. i've never heard him talk bad about anyone, he's always smiling, and nothing seems to bother him too much. what a beautiful person. then we came to our house and watched half of citizen kane and everyone was falling asleep so we had a sleepover. drove brit to work this morning. at work now myself. saw the crazy guy who speaks french arguing with the employees at the soup kitchen. what kind of an asshole gets himself kicked out of a soup kitchen? no one would hand out flyers at the vagina monologues for me because i have to work. everyone can do it later in the evening, but no one will do it without me. i just made the flyers. clay's right, it is frustrating: the only really important thing going on in our community and no one steps up to combat it. no one helped do the flyers. they went to the spectrum meetings, and jen from WAN and SPECTRUM was cool about it. i wish i wasn't alone in this. i don't understand why clay and jason "didn't feel comfortable handing out the flyers ourselves" not my decision to make. oh well, we'll try tonight and see what happens. smiling like it's no one's business. can i rewind this tape to see you again???? please?????

Monday, February 07, 2005

a rock and a hard place wait for me, between the devil and the deep blue sea...

[moodconfused]
[musicsisters of mercy "rock and a hard place" ]
wow. i really need to sit down and think. so many things are going on that my head is spinning. on one hand i have a pretty chill arrangement with someone i get along with pretty well, and possibly evolving into something more, but with my perpetual fear of fucking up and incurring the wrath i've seen dealt to others with the same fate. someone who really likes me, but who runs the spectrum of cold as ice to all sorts of fiery with rage. i've seen both, which has made me very wary of this arrangement in the first place. that and the loss of community and beloved friends because of isolation. then there's the route my body and mind wants to take, someone who SAYS they like me, we have the opportunity to explore new parts of ourselves and each other, but their friends don't like or understand me, though my friends adore them, and i will also be isolated. also, and although it's not that big of a deal, i don't seem very high on their priorities, like i'm just something fun they can toy around with, which i don't like. i'm very confused right now. both are dangerous situations....

is neither an option? do i have to choose in the first place? can i just not choose? there is no easy way out of this one, really.

Name: magnum mouthed, i shoot to kill...

Location: laramie, wyoming, United States

no one is going to ruin me, if i have to, i will ruin myself AND IT WILL BE MY RUIN. got your mother in a whirl cause she's not sure if you're a boy or a girl hey babe, your hair's all right hey babe let's stay out tonight you like me and i like it all we like dancing and we look divine you like bands when they play it hard, you want more and you want it fast they put you down, they say i'm wrong, you tacky thing, you put them on rebel rebel, you've torn your dress rebel rebel, your face is a mess rebel rebel how could they know? hot tramp, i love you so!

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